Strategies for Managing Difficult Behavior:

Are you facing problems at home, or work due to the difficult behavior of a person? Or turning into a difficult person? Take the test to find out. A difficult person test!

Every day we face different types of people, behaviors, and situations. While dealing with all of them, our attitude also changes for good or bad. This affects our lives and all the people attached to us.

One of my friends rarely smiles, she has some severe bad experiences with her In-laws. Interaction with those toxic people for a long time has changed her attitude towards life. Whenever in a bad situation, she always compares others with her In-laws.

What can you do in situations like her? What should be your behavior towards difficult persons?

To face any difficult person and not feel hurt, you have to change your mindset and strategies. First ask, what is important for you, and then manage your relationships to attain your goals.

In this article, we will discuss the strategies for managing the difficult behavior of a person without getting hurt.

 

What does Science say about Difficult Behavior?

 

According to FFM of personality traits, difficult people are callous, grandiose, aggressive, suspicious, manipulative, domineering, and risk-takers. They lack communication skills, and empathy, and are prone to criticism. In a workplace, people dread working with them, because their behavior causes conflicts and reduces productivity.

Most of them can be divided into the following types,

·         Narcissistic people

·         Passive aggressive people

·         Gossipers

·         Anger addicts

·         Guilt trippers/ Manipulators

But can we categorize a person into a single group? Human behavior is complex, and it varies from situation to situation. One of your good, loving friends can become narcissistic, or manipulative to attain his/her goal.

Expert says a little narcissism is a good thing. They have social confidence and can make others like them. Due to charming personalities, they can change bad situations in their favor, and make you do things which you will not do otherwise (means manipulation).

So, should we tag someone with labels, and start calling him/her narcissistic, abuser, or gossipmonger? Or let them use their personality traits in their favor?

 

Islamic Concept of Difficult Behavior:

 

Labeling someone with a tag due to a certain behavioral trait is regarded lightly. Islam characterizes the conduct of every Muslim on the core values of respect, dignity, and kindness. Islam not only prohibits abusive language, and name-calling, but also encourages empathy, patience, and respect. In the Quran, Allah commands:

“Do not insult each other with offensive nicknames.” (Surah Al-Hujrat, 49:11)

Allah tells us to face our traumatic experiences, rather than labeling someone and ending relationships. We are asked to deal with it and keep faith in Allah's guidance.

If we look at the history of Muslims, every prophet has faced difficult people. Did not Hazrat Ibrahim (AS) have a toxic father, and Hazrat Yousaf (AS) face narcissistic brothers. But each of them went through problems and came out stronger. After all these situations, they prayed for their fathers and brothers.

What does Islam teach us to do when faced with difficult people, and behavior?

 

How to Handle Difficult Behavior?

 

When dealing with a difficult person remember to stay pleasant and calm. Take deep calming breaths to control your anger.

Be patient, and give benefit of doubt to others. Talk to them, and listen carefully.

Reply to an evil deed with a good one. Islam permits you to return what you receive, but it should be in the same amount, and quantity. Like, if someone slaps you, be patient. But if you can't tolerate it slap him/her back with the same number of fingers and strength with which you were slapped.

Forgive others when they apologize to you or feel guilty, and reconcile with them.

Be selective with the information you share with them; remember trust is earned.

Honor both of your needs and make it clear what you expect and what can be expected from you.

When they air their opinions, use phrases like, “That’s interesting, but…..”

Never underestimate nodding and smiling, since a clash in opinion doesn't make for a difficult relationship.

Use humor or change topics, when communicating with them.

When nothing works, leave. Sometimes it is not worth engaging. Make as little interactions with them as possible, and create buffers. A buffer can be another person, situation, or a phone call, that can extract you from a difficult situation.

 

Don’t Become a Difficult Person Yourself:

 

Difficult behavior starts with the letter 'I'. When you think of yourself as more powerful, important, experienced, and worthy, you start sharing your opinions. Eventually, it becomes your habit which leads to criticizing others and belittling them.

To stop this habit, try to remain quiet when others are sharing their personal experiences. Only ask questions that will encourage them to share more.

Hone your communication skills, and find new topics to discuss with common interests, before you meet someone.

Empathize with others; feel what someone else is feeling and experiencing.

Watch movies, read real-life stories, and meet new people from different walks of life. Try to imagine yourself in their situations, and develop self-awareness about your good and bad qualities.

Find new hobbies and spend your time in constructive work, rather than other people's life.

 

Case Scenarios of Difficult Behavior:

 

Let’s discuss some situations where we face difficult behavior.

 

Scenario# 1:

 

In a gathering, Saad is talking about his experience of writing a book. Hamza interrupts, "I have read your book it is good but you can change some points mentioned in articles x, y, and z. I have also written many articles, and published them in famous newspapers." And Hamza goes on to share his achievements.

 

Action Plan:

 

The situation indicates Saad and Hamza to be colleagues, or far away relatives. They are not love-bound and are acquaintances only. When the difficult person is not directly related to you, use "that's interesting, but…" phrases. You can freely share your opinion, but be calm and polite. Sometimes talking less and listening more also helps. It gives you a new perspective and leads to creative ideas. So, let Hamza talk, listen to him carefully with an open mind, and ask him questions about his opinion. If you start feeling frustrated with the conversation, change the topic, or excuse yourself.  

 

Scenario# 2:

 

You all are watching drama on TV, the serial is very interesting, and someone says, "How is she acting? Nowadays actresses don't know how to act. She should take classes from me." Or "What is she wearing? What is happening to the younger generation?" The speaker goes on and on about the demerits of the younger generation, and the merits of their generation/ period.

 

Action Plan:

 

Sometimes a close family member wants to talk with you and can’t find topics. He/ She can only criticize, or share their life experiences. Try to communicate, and listen to them. Find a topic of interest for both of you, before you sit with them. They only want to bond with you.

You can easily ignore mild cases of difficult behavior like scenario# 2, but when they continue in every conversation, it becomes annoying. Limit your interaction when frustrated, and create buffers (as mentioned in the handling portion).

 

Final Thoughts:

 

Difficult behavior if not handled carefully creates distances in a relationship. So, find constructive solutions to deal with a difficult person. Seek the help of a close friend, or third party to analyze the situation with these difficult people. Take action for your relationships, mental health, and happiness.